vobiblog

I slept in today so I decided not to go into the office. Instead I will put in a full day on Sunday. I got up late, had breakfast and had a few hours to spare before lunch so I thought I would head down to Bridge Rd to look for some clothes.

After walking to one end, I turned back disappointed that there was only crap in the shops I usually go to. On the way back, seeing I had a bit of time to kill, I thought I would go into a shop called Pervert. The name should have scared me off, but the look liked the had some kewl shit in there so I went in. Tried on these blue pants that they had in a 34 which were miles too big. They didn’t have them in a 32 but they did have these cool jeans in a 32, but not in a 34 which is why I didn’t try them on in the first place. Anyway I go into the change rooms. The 32 was seriously small compared to the home boy shit that I usually wear but it was still comfortable. I show them to the shop assistant and she tells me that they look good (as if she is going to say they make me look fat).

So I go back into the change room. Take them off. Then suddenly the door to my change room opens. There I am with my pants down, trying in vein to cover with these silly little pants. I am exposed to the whole shop, and even the people walking past on the street. The attendant who opened the door was standing behind it wondering why the guy who wanted to try something on wasn’t entering. She looks round the door and its like “oh shit”.

Handy tip #464 – Always wear nice underwear. The day you wear the 5 year old target undies with holes in them will be the day you get caught out.

I decided to buy the pants anyway, the girl couldn’t apologise enough. I didn’t know what to say. This trip to Melbourne just keeps getting stranger. I also managed to buy a few t-shirts at another shop. I did find a cool pair of campers in bright red, but at $350 I wasn’t bitting.

Lunch with the family was good. I hadn’t seen any of them since Christmas. I guess it wasn’t that long ago but my grandparents are getting old now and it is good to spend whatever time I can with them.

I have been quite passive over the last few weeks but now it is time for me to have a rant about Iraq. I was sitting down watching TV last Thursday 1.5 weeks ago when the CIA decided that they had a opportunity to assassinate Saddam. I a few tears fell, but that passed soon enough. Once the bombing started for real the next day, You might have even heard me saying, well we failed to stop it. Lets just hope it all ends in a few days like it did last time without too many people getting blown to shit.

A week later, we are told that shock and awe hasn’t really worked and that we are closer to the beginning of the war than the end. It doesn’t take a genius to work that out. I mean imagine if you were having a fight with someone over something trivial. You decided do a bit of shock and awe action on their back yard (and the hills hoist is the miliary installation you are trying to take out). Are they going to say “thank you so much for liberating me from the tyranny of my hills hoist”? Or, do they place a phone call to this guy this guy called Osama that they don’t really like and say “Hey Osama, you know that guy you hate, he really is a cunt. He just blew up my hills hoist. I never really like that hoist anyway. I kept on hitting my head on it. But still, its in my back yard. What should I do”. Osama responds with “I don’t really like you, but anyone who wants to fuck up that cunt is a co-fucker of mine”.

Bad analogy I know. What I am trying to say is that shock and awe hasn’t worked. Everyone is getting killed including a large number of allies. Saddam isn’t going without a fight. Back of now and Saddam will end up stronger than ever. Keep fighting and more people will die, and Saddam will probably live another day. That’s the kind of guy he is. I hate the bastard, but really, is this the most efficient way to get to him. Surely if you wanted to assassinate him, George Bush should have had the television debate with him, then half way through someone could shoot him. How’s that for a bit of reality TV?

Where are these weapons of mass destruction that Iraq is supposed to have. Maybe if they do actually exist they are saving them for a rainy day. It is hard to imagine it getting much worse than it already is. Seeing humans are gifted with a large brain compared to the size of their bodies, I think it is about time we started to use them, rather than relying on a bunch of white, middle aged, fat, balding men decked out in brass to solve the worlds problems through their group masturbation sessions at the pentagon.

It looks like I am stuck in Melbourne until at least Wednesday. I guess at least this way I can make sure that the software is working properly so I don’t have to worry about it when I get back.

I took Guru to the casino after work today. Had a few drinks then when out to dinner at a Thai restaurant with Luke.

Now its time for bed because I have to get up early and put a few hours work in before I go to an extended family lunch. Goodie!

The second Tim show was in fact not a home video show but a retarded “ad reel” show. From memory it included at least 5 jokes about fat people per episode. True comedy.

Yesterday was just another day at the office. 6:30 came around and it was time to head of. I tried to tempt Guru into another drinking session but he wasn’t up for it. “Why do you always drink?”. “What does drinking really give you?”. Ahhh it gives me a couple of hours to forget about my crappy life, which is probably only crappy because I drink all the time.

So I go home. I get to the trams stop on Swanston street and my Dad rings me to tell me that he has a ticket for the Melbourne Comedy Festival Gala which was starting in about 5 minutes time. Luckily it was just round the corner. I ran and got there just in time to watch Michael Pope (Mr Audience warm up) bore us to tears for 20 minutes. He really should have got out of the entertainment industry after doing blockbusters.

The show starts. And guess who the MC was? Dave Hughes!! I reckon he must be stalking me or something. He was fucken funny as usual. Its even funnier when he fucks up his jokes. Wil Anderson was also very good. Noel Fielding was also very good. I hope to go see his show before I go back to Brisbane some time next week.

Now on to something more important. I always used to think poor Tim. First it was don’t forget your toothbrush. Then came some totally forgettable home video show. The final insult was seeing Tim do line dancing in a Jupiter’s Keno ad. “Somebody pinch me!”. Now I have to say poor Paul. He was the final act of the night and he along with the other members of GUD were truly pathetic. They did some silly song about Al Qeada. Sure he can sing but I really expected more. It was a brief moment of joy when I saw him come on stage. I hadn’t seen him live since I went to a DAAS show when I was way to young to get all the jokes. Poor Paul.

Also worth mentioning. I sat behind Glenn Robbins. He was looking so stiff. Chewed gum the hole night. Maybe laughed twice during the whole show. Next time you see him laugh at some stupid joke on the panel you will know that he is faking it.

Today was just an average day, I worked productively. Came home. Dad made a Thai beef salad for dinner. Got piss with him and my step mum. That’s about it.

Till next time…

Its been a less than interesting 2 days. After getting 3 hours sleep on Sunday night, I was totally rotten on Monday. I somehow managed to stay awake and got out of the office at 5:30. Went round to my parents place (where I am staying while I am in Melbourne), got to spend some time with Joe (my baby brother), Had dinner and ended up in bed at 9:30.

Today was a little more fun. Work this morning was the usual. Programming, how exciting can it get. I went to a buddhist restaurant for lunch today and it was possibly some of the worst food I have ever had the displeasure of eating. I had stir fried rice noodles with vegetarian beef (which is some shit that is supposed to taste like beef, but it really tastes like shit, but vegetarians can’t tell the difference!). That would have been fine but the sauce that covered it… It was like jelly. I almost puked when I tasted it.

After work I went to the pub with Guru (the guy I am working with who is from Brisbane). Spent most of the time there drinking beer and talking about the two forbidden subjects in a pub. Politics and religion. The pub closed at 9:00 and Guru had all ready had enough so I went home.

No food in the house so I thought I would go down to Acland Street for some food. Nothing was open except for a really dodgy burger place and felafel kitchen. I opted for a felafel pocket which was damn good too. They have the best chilli sauce there. It is so fricken hot. I was so hungry I decided to sit out on the street and eat it rather than take it home.

While I am sitting their making a mess of my felafel, one of my favourite comedians, Dave Hughes walks past with some girl. Looks at me making a pig of myself, looks at the felafel kitchen and rubs his tummy in a fucknut dave way and says oooooh that would hit the spot. Obviously he had just come from the pub too but his girl wasn’t interested so they walked on. I looked over my shoulder to take a look at him again and to check that It wasn’t just the effect of alcohol talking. Sure enough it was him.

For all those wondering, he really does talk like that all the time. When you see him on TV, he is not acting. That is him. Imagine what its like to be born funny.

Other than that. Nothing else is happening